...Dont get your hopes up

So what do you do when you say you want it SO bad yet when you get it. You're scared. What do I do with it? Will I break it and will it ruin everything. Pandora's Box. I'm scared. What if I cant handle it, what if I fail and fall HARD. What if I'm not good enough. I realize these are insecurities. But its all I know. I need to push. Get into the unknown. It may be better then where I am now. If I don't I'll live with what ifs forever. I hate the fucking what ifs.... They torment me. I need to be strong but can you handle this crazy nut job?. Can you handle my Pandora's box? Can I handle yours? I DON'T KNOW!!!!. I do this all the time. Jump ahead but its not me its my head. My head that shuts down when theres a possibility because possibility means potential happiness and we cant have that? Yeah self sabotage that's the best kind... I want to talk to someone who can handle this mess. Be honest for once in my life. Can I be honest? Is that in me? Will I finally break down my walls and take a peek? I hope so. If not I'll be behind this wall forever. While the parade passes by me. All this sounds ridiculous to me when I look at it. Dear God, Sorry to bother you can you send me instructions on how to handle this box with care? Or am I asking to much? At least give me the strength to deal with it.