Here we go again...

So since my last post a lot has gone down. Some good some bad. But all are learning experiences. I found someone who wanted to try and deal with my crazy antics but he wasn't the one I wanted to let into my madness. He tried and i guess I give him a point for trying but sorry it just wasn't right. Believe me when i tell you I tried. I kept telling myself I was the problem but I wasn't. This time it wasn't me!. Like i said I appreciate the experience and the story but we can move on now. My prince is still out there. Until we meet, I will try to better myself and grow more. So that when i finally meet him I will be ready to accept him and he will be ready to accept me. Enough about the same old story about me trying to find love. Something new has happened. Im back in school and I will finish it! I'm meeting great new people and learning so much. This is my next chapter, hope its a good one.

...Dont get your hopes up

So what do you do when you say you want it SO bad yet when you get it. You're scared. What do I do with it? Will I break it and will it ruin everything. Pandora's Box. I'm scared. What if I cant handle it, what if I fail and fall HARD. What if I'm not good enough. I realize these are insecurities. But its all I know. I need to push. Get into the unknown. It may be better then where I am now. If I don't I'll live with what ifs forever. I hate the fucking what ifs.... They torment me. I need to be strong but can you handle this crazy nut job?. Can you handle my Pandora's box? Can I handle yours? I DON'T KNOW!!!!. I do this all the time. Jump ahead but its not me its my head. My head that shuts down when theres a possibility because possibility means potential happiness and we cant have that? Yeah self sabotage that's the best kind... I want to talk to someone who can handle this mess. Be honest for once in my life. Can I be honest? Is that in me? Will I finally break down my walls and take a peek? I hope so. If not I'll be behind this wall forever. While the parade passes by me. All this sounds ridiculous to me when I look at it. Dear God, Sorry to bother you can you send me instructions on how to handle this box with care? Or am I asking to much? At least give me the strength to deal with it.