Here in my room

I have a choice. Give up something that makes me happy now but harms and ruins my future or Quit it and in the long run I will be really truly happy. All I ever wanted was to be loved and to be dreamt of. I feel like my addiction is holding me back from everything I want. A simple addiction that to others seems like nothing but to me its killing me. Killing me and my future dreams, my future child and the person I know I can and deserve to be. Such a simple yet hard decision. I know the answer yet how do i tell that to my brain. The almighty brain that controls my every move. The brain that saves me yet kills me all at the same time. Sometimes its better to be blind to everything and just be naive. Your world is more peaceful. You don't see it like I do. Its a curse and a blessing. Because I know so much that you would be killed if you stepped into my brain. you would be run over by the mad bulls that are running towards where i want to be. The knowledge that no book could ever bring you. In the end this isn't about you. Its about me. Me and my life, me and my future self. Me and my future family that i have dreamt of and scrutinized to the death. The picture perfect one. That is waiting for me on the other side of this nightmare. The one that will kill my loneliness. The one and only thing that keeps me going.