There is a difference.

There is a difference between being in love and being in love with the idea of love. I struggle with that. I sometime just think ok this is it. When really all it was, was an illusion that my mind created. I snap out of it and realize that this isn't a fairy tale. You don't always get your happy ending. I sometimes try to force myself to feel a certain way because I feel that if I don't then there will be no other chance. There will be. I just long for that feeling that I get it confused with other feelings. This has always been my battle. I have faith that one day it wont be an illusion. No more guessing. No more confusion. No more wishing. Maybe all this time spent wishing and hoping can be spent on me getting my sanity back. First let me look at myself and make ME a better person. Someone who knows what they want. Thought after thought. I often wonder why I haven't gone insane already. Its because even though I have those thoughts there is a little bit of something in me that is holding on. Its getting stronger and stronger. This world is strange to me. I try to see the good in people. Even when all everyone else sees is the bad. I sometimes hate that because truthfully some people are just plain evil. I'm sad to say that. Or maybe in their minds they are the good and we are the bad. I know I just throw thoughts out there because I write it as I think about it. Everything written just popped up like a damn spam ad. Thats my life. A life full of spam adds. One random thing after the other